I knew the guy was gonna take a swing, and I had prepared for it…which is the whole point of this post. Prepare, meaning practice.
He was the field director for US Senate candidate Mike Erickson, a Republican and MAGA devotee. It was a few weeks before the 2024 national election. He followed me outside the county GOP precinct hall where I, a registered Democrat, had just given a short pitch about bipartisanship. “I’m from the reddest county in the country,” I overheard Mike bragging to someone earlier.
“Have you ever read the Communist Manifesto?” he asked, standing toe to toe and staring into my eyes. “No, tell me about it,” I responded.
“It outlines quite clearly how you Democrats have your hands around our throats!” he blurted confidently.
One of the key LAPP tactics of Braver Angels’ bipartisan work in America is learning how to “pivot” in these situations. (Listen, Acknowledge, Pivot and Perspective). So I pivoted.
“I’m guessing we have more in common than you think,” I said.
“Like what?” he demanded.
“Well, like patriotism,” I said.
“Oh yeah? How do you define that?”
“For starters, I’ll bet we both enjoy the privilege of our freedom. Freedom to speak. The ability to choose for myself.”
He didn’t argue. Maybe he even affirmed what I said. I don’t recall, because he quickly broke off the conversation. Maybe he was disappointed because I hadn’t jumped to his bait. Maybe he sensed that I was making an honest effort to establish something in common with him. Maybe he thought twice about his bias about liberals. And, because we seemed in that moment to have a common value, I relaxed my bias of him as well.
When caught by surprise, it’s harder to bring forth this kind of Braver Angels behavior. My having decades of practice with Nonviolent Communication (NVC), has given me more emotional muscles for dealing with conflict.
Like Braver Angels’ LAPP strategy, NVC also asks us to begin by listening with an open mind and without judgment. Like Braver Angels, NVC also asks us to acknowledge what we hear the other saying.
Instead of giving Mike a piece of my mind, I pivoted to another piece of my mind, where understanding, curiosity and compassion reside. With discipline, that piece of my mind has gotten bigger, and the connection between there and my heart has become stronger.
My relationships are less contentious, now. Growing that piece of my mind has given me more peace of mind.
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